You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
