Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
