During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
