I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
