why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
