I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Boobs are out for the taking
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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