yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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