i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Randomize
