please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
