i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
