Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize