So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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