Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
