She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
