I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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