I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
