I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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