don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
