OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
