Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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