singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize