had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
