My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize