I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
