is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
