I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize