If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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