Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i will never coherently bang her
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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