I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
