either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
