My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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