seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
