your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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