I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
