You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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