I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
