Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
