Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize