take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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