idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
