my shit smells like andre
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
