I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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