I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
