Having a random hookup so left but love u
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
