ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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