Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
