Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
