The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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