Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
