i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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