She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
