remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
