your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
