i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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