69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Randomize