Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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