Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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