Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
