I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
