also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
