also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. š
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we arenāt each otherās type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote āColleenās Dickāwith a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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