It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
