I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
