those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
