ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
