Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize