1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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