I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize